i know it doesnt make a difference at all. but this is the only way i can get you to read something. so here it goes:
i understand why you are so frustrated, pissed off, over, and done with me. i failed to tell you about him, and i wish that i coulda went back in time to tell you about him because it would have been important to you. but to me it wasnt important. honestly (if i’m allowed to say that anymore), daniel was a distraction for me. i told people about him to let them know that i’m ohkay and moving on now. but yeah, that wasn’t the case. i should have told you that i had a tiny crush on him the night we met. my intentions werent to be anything more than friends with him just like your intentions were meant to be anything more than friends with other girls. i’m not trying to compare here, but i wanted you to get a sense of how i feel if it still matters. and of course it does because you still care.
yeah its overwhelming for me to go from almost fixing everything with you to being deleted from your life pretty much. i really hate that i did this to you once again, but i need to let you know that there wasnt anthing between me and daniel that was to worry about. i just started talking to him as a friend and it was too sudden to think about it any differently. i’m guessing the story is different from someone else’s point of view and thats understandable considering that me and daniel were getting along well that one night. yes, i flirted back with daniel and i was wrong to do so. but i was just so vulnerable with life, you, us, not having someone there to talk to. and he was just a new friend that can pick me up when im down. and just a friend.
i admit that i was wrong. and you have all the right in the world to delete me and move on and forget me. i know you wont forget me and i wont forget you either. i’m sorry it had to go this way. i’m sorry that you feel i had to lie to you once again, but i honestly felt that there was nothing to worry about.
but you did tell me that all we were gonna be was friends and nothing else. and you coming home this weekend realizing that you wanted to be more just overwhelmed me with hope once again. but this time it wasnt you that crushed it, it was me. so when you say you’re mad at youself, you shouldn’t be.
but i just wanted to let you know how i felt. and how you didnt need to be worried or anything about daniel. and daniel was kinda there to let everyone know that im ohkay and to not worry about me because i know that my mood tells people that something is wrong. and with everyone telling me to move on from you, i just wanted people to leave me alone and thats why i talked about daniel. not that it makes a difference on the whole situation.
i’m not trying to ask you to accept my excuse. i just want to ask you to please consider what i’m saying whether it affects you or doesn’t affect you at all. i hope this message makes sense to you because this is how i feeel.
the last things i want to say now you don’t want me to say, but thats how i feeel. so when you want to imagine me saying it, then you think about it. but i dont want to jeopardize our friendship anymore than i already have if there is still a chance.
once again i’m sorry for everything and i hope i cleared some things a bit. and i understand if you want to move on, please do. i don’t deserve you anymore and even if you still wanted to be with me, you shouldn’t be. like you said, shame on me. i cant do this to you anymore even if i did it unintentionally. but please know that i’ll still be waiting for you. but goodbye. best luck in life right now and take care.
if i do get pregnant, then idk. i kinda want a memory of you but i know you would want me to abort it cause we’re no where near ready. but lets not worry about that because i’m pretty sure this won’t happen.
