Post with 2 notes
i’m just completely lost and i need to talk to you but i know you’re trying to forget me so i don’t want to bother you. i really need to explain everything. so please…..
I’ve read this book before
I already know how this’ll end
Now I can’t take this anymore
I’m about to throw the towel in
You see I
I wish we could go back to
back to the time
the time when we first met and i asked
do you really want to do this?
Cause I can’t fight anymore
I’m already halfway out the door
Do you see this
see this breaking down
& I can see the end
I just can’t believe it’s happenin’
Do you hear me baby
i think its about time that you save this.
Now why can’t you see this
See that we’re drifting apart
There’s no hope in my heart
I know we’re far from perfect
but could you show me that I’m worth it
to you
Cause you see I
I wish we could go back to
back to the time
the time when we first met and i asked
do you really want to do this?
Cause I can’t fight anymore
I’m already halfway out the door
Do you see this
see this breaking down
& I can see the end
I just can’t believe it’s happenin’
Do you hear me baby
i think its about time that you save this.
i know that I should move on
But I just can’t be that strong
without you
i’ve given you my all
but it’s not too late
to make this change
i’m beggin’
i think its about time that you save this.
save me.
You see I
I wish we could go back to
back to the time
the time when we first met and i asked
do you really want to do this?
i really want to save this hai. <3
Post with 1 note
it sucks, cause this second time around i’m confused on what i did unlike before when i knew what i did.
1. the promise between us was that i would tell you when i LIKE a guy. i didnt know that it meant a guy i met for a day and got along with well and had no intentions on being something more with him. all he was was a friend and a little crush. will he always be that way? im not sure, but right now it is that way. you didnt tell me you had a tiny crush on a girl until after it happens with idk who cause you didnt say. im not comparing but its not fair.
2. hai, i was creeping and i never lied to you. one time you asked me am i talking to anybody. i said no, that was the truth. i wasnt “talking” to anybody. i was talking as a friend to people, like how i would talk to martin, brad, sang, bruce, vinh. thats how i talked with daniel. you never asked me if there was something going on between us or had there been. therefore i never replied to the unsaid question, so i never lied about it. even if you asked me that, it would be a no because there wasnt something “going on” between us. and when you asked me if you should be worried, i said no and that was the truth because he wouldn’t even compare to you. not even close.
3. when people joked around about me and daniel i just went along with it. giving signs to people that i was ohkay, in reality i’m not. but i was so sick of everyone asking me and told me not to worry. and the more i pretended i was, the more i felt better. joking around. its kinda like your “girlfriend”. i had no intentions with daniel at all.
4. i hate how i look like a the bad guy once again. the only thing im guilty of was not telling you that i flirted with him on my own. i should’ve told you about him but i didnt think it would matter cause me and him didn’t do anything. the “touchy” thing that you heard we did was because martin (not blaming him either) started the whole “do you trust me game?” where you put your hand on their leg and go up close to their privates. but he only did that to daniel. and martin did that to me too. then martin squeezed my knee where you all of a sudden have a spaz attack. and thats when daniel squeezed my knee because he saw how funny it was when i freaked out. im guilty for not telling you that we flirted. but i never lied to you about this.
5. i dont like how you’re taking all of martin or vinh’s side when they don’t know how my friendship with daniel really was. if you would just listen to me about how hurt i am, how i myself feel betrayed, and how confused i am. i talked to some people about this and they don’t feel that i deserve this. the first time around it was my fault, and i know that. but this time, i didnt lie to you. i didnt fool you. i know i had my chance to explain myself but when put on the spot i can’t find words.
6. and mary texted me about how matt heard that all you care about is me. well guess what, all i care about is you. everyone is telling us to move on, but i can’t move on. watching you leave, i feel a part of me is missing. theres like an empty spot in my heart that can’t be filled. no matter who can make me happy it never compareds to when im with you and just you smiling makes me feel good inside. when your skin just brushes against mine gives me the butterflies now. i care about you so much and love you so much. xuan was just telling me to drop you and talk to daniel. i told her i cant drop you. they don’t understand how i feel about you. sometimes i leave class to just go into a bathroom stall and cry, and those are the days when you’re gone. i just wish something bad will happen to me so you’ll talk to me again. i really wish we could be together and you would talk to me. i wish we could be friends at the least. but it hurts too much. wishing that i can be with you when all we can be is friends hurts too much. i can’t do it. being left here when i don’t understand why you cant ask for my side of the story. im trying to tell you the truth right now. but maybe you dont want to hear it.
7. i love you. i miss you. xoxo
i know it doesnt make a difference at all. but this is the only way i can get you to read something. so here it goes:
i understand why you are so frustrated, pissed off, over, and done with me. i failed to tell you about him, and i wish that i coulda went back in time to tell you about him because it would have been important to you. but to me it wasnt important. honestly (if i’m allowed to say that anymore), daniel was a distraction for me. i told people about him to let them know that i’m ohkay and moving on now. but yeah, that wasn’t the case. i should have told you that i had a tiny crush on him the night we met. my intentions werent to be anything more than friends with him just like your intentions were meant to be anything more than friends with other girls. i’m not trying to compare here, but i wanted you to get a sense of how i feel if it still matters. and of course it does because you still care.
yeah its overwhelming for me to go from almost fixing everything with you to being deleted from your life pretty much. i really hate that i did this to you once again, but i need to let you know that there wasnt anthing between me and daniel that was to worry about. i just started talking to him as a friend and it was too sudden to think about it any differently. i’m guessing the story is different from someone else’s point of view and thats understandable considering that me and daniel were getting along well that one night. yes, i flirted back with daniel and i was wrong to do so. but i was just so vulnerable with life, you, us, not having someone there to talk to. and he was just a new friend that can pick me up when im down. and just a friend.
i admit that i was wrong. and you have all the right in the world to delete me and move on and forget me. i know you wont forget me and i wont forget you either. i’m sorry it had to go this way. i’m sorry that you feel i had to lie to you once again, but i honestly felt that there was nothing to worry about.
but you did tell me that all we were gonna be was friends and nothing else. and you coming home this weekend realizing that you wanted to be more just overwhelmed me with hope once again. but this time it wasnt you that crushed it, it was me. so when you say you’re mad at youself, you shouldn’t be.
but i just wanted to let you know how i felt. and how you didnt need to be worried or anything about daniel. and daniel was kinda there to let everyone know that im ohkay and to not worry about me because i know that my mood tells people that something is wrong. and with everyone telling me to move on from you, i just wanted people to leave me alone and thats why i talked about daniel. not that it makes a difference on the whole situation.
i’m not trying to ask you to accept my excuse. i just want to ask you to please consider what i’m saying whether it affects you or doesn’t affect you at all. i hope this message makes sense to you because this is how i feeel.
the last things i want to say now you don’t want me to say, but thats how i feeel. so when you want to imagine me saying it, then you think about it. but i dont want to jeopardize our friendship anymore than i already have if there is still a chance.
once again i’m sorry for everything and i hope i cleared some things a bit. and i understand if you want to move on, please do. i don’t deserve you anymore and even if you still wanted to be with me, you shouldn’t be. like you said, shame on me. i cant do this to you anymore even if i did it unintentionally. but please know that i’ll still be waiting for you. but goodbye. best luck in life right now and take care.
if i do get pregnant, then idk. i kinda want a memory of you but i know you would want me to abort it cause we’re no where near ready. but lets not worry about that because i’m pretty sure this won’t happen.
Last time I saw you, I said that it hurt too much to loveyou. But I was wrong about that. The truth is it hurts too much to not love you.
you know what’s funny? i’m writing a paper about how trying to recreate the past will not bring you happiness when i’m doing that very same thing. just the thought of us being the way we used to be makes me so happy. my best days are when i’m with him, acting like we were together again. but i know i’m just hurting myself. but i can’t help it, i wish i was strong enough to just let him go so i can be happy for once.
he builds my hopes up, he tells me all the things i wanna hear. it’s like heaven for 30 minutes. then we part, and he doesn’t want anything to do with me. he doesn’t want me to leave but he doesn’t want to be too attached. it’s only one or the other.
“i’m picking you over her” those very few words made me the happiest girl ever. knowing that he wants me over someone that has made him happy since our break up. but then he tells me he can’t stop kissing her. he doesn’t want to hurt her. but yet he cares about more. but still he doesn’t stop doing stuff with her. he tells me that i’m much better than her and that he loves me, IN LOVE with me. i want him to show me for once, i don’t want him to say it to me. i’ve been miserable because i made myself miserable because i’m so sorry for i did. look at me now, i’ve become the other girl.
clearly trying to make what was happen now never works.
hell yeah it does. it’s a type of pain that can’t be described. it’s like you heart just kinda stops and literally sinks into your stomach making you feel like you might throw up. it’s like that feeling when your head gets all hot and you can feel your throat clenching up. it’s when you’re blinking rapidly or just close your eyes for 5 seconds to hold back the tears. it’s when you feel its necessary to breath in deeply or else you might just break down. something as simple as him being mean to me just hurts so much cause it never was like this.
yes, its true. i love you and am still in love with you. i cant prove it, but i can say it and mean it. so when you ask me why i cant yell at you or be mad at you, think about this:
i cant curse your name, i cant ignore you. i cant yell at you for hours, i cant tell you i hate you, i cant say hateful things to you. i care about your feelings. many things were my fault, and i will and am taking full blame for it. but if you do something wrong from now on, i can no longer hold a grudge against you because i too have done the same thing. maybe not sex, but other things.
so yes hai, i do love you. but no, i cant be in a relationship with you anymore.
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